No Creative Title, Literally Just a Rant About Disney

Solomon Kenworthy, Web Editor

     I’ve always had a passion and interest in film. Based upon the announcements made on Dec. 10, 2020, this is clearly a statement that has never been said aloud at the Disney headquarters. There were a few new movies or TV shows announced at Disney’s “Investor Day” that were exciting or made sense. Let me list those quickly:

Photo courtesy of IMDb
  • Hawkeye (Disney+ series): I think that seeing a world after the death of Tony Stark from a smaller point of view is something that could be a cool and interesting addition to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. 
  • Obi-Wan Kenobi (Disney+ series): Kenobi’s time in exile between the events of Revenge of the Sith, and A New Hope could add to his character, making his choices in the original trilogy carry more weight. 
  • Armor Wars (Disney+ series): The idea that Rhodey, or War Machine, from the Marvel Universe going around stopping people from using Stark’s technology for evil is a great idea, and it will be interesting to see how these events affect the rest of the Universe.

     With that out of the way, let’s look at some of the other announcements and explain why they are terrible ideas. 

     They reconfirmed the making of a fifth Indiana Jones film. This is my least favorite thing I’ve learned about for a very long time. Originally announced back in 2012 alongside Disney’s purchase of Lucasfilm, the film is slated for a 2022 release, and ten years later will still hold no reason to exist. As a man who watches these films every year as a New Year’s tradition, and who has seen Kingdom of the Crystal Skull at least 10 times this year alone (no, seriously), I can confidently say we don’t need another one. As much as I love Crystal Skull, the franchise should have ended with The Last Crusade. They have ended Jones’ character arc twice now, and another adventure would add nothing to the story. Oh, and Steven Spielberg, who directed and produced the last four films, left the project. Always a good sign. 

     Did they learn nothing from their awful plan of releasing a new Star Wars film every year? Just because The Mandalorian is being received well does not mean it’s okay to announce nine more Star Wars TV shows. People don’t like The Mandalorian because it’s Star Wars, people like it because the team behind it actually cares about what they’re making and has a plan as to where the story will go. One show in particular that makes no sense is called Acolyte. This is supposed to take place 200 years before Episode 1: The Phantom Menace and show how the Sith were rising to power at the time. This makes no sense because in Menace it is clearly stated that no one has seen a Sith for at least “A Millenium.” Last I checked, that’s more than 200 years. Instead, they could have made a project in the time known as The Old Republic, which is something fans have wanted for over 10 years.

Photo courtesy of IMDb

     Another announcement was that Jon Watts would be directing a new Fantastic Four film. Why does Disney keep giving big projects to the worst people working in Hollywood? To refresh your memory, Watts is the director of the two Tom Holland Spider-Man films: Homecoming, the one that was only liked because it stole all its good ideas from the previous Spider-Man movies, and Far From Home, which I can’t speak on because I didn’t want to waste 2 hours and 9 minutes of my life. They’ve made these poor choices in the past as well, with the easiest example being hiring the co-writer of Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice, and Justice League to co-write The Rise of Skywalker

     There is going to be a sequel series following Warwick Davis’ character from Willow. In the film, the story was completed and there was nothing to indicate a sequel. Every character arc was completed, and within the film’s story, the prophecy was fulfilled by the end. Maybe we can find out if the bones finally tell The Wizard something, other than that there is no reason for this show to exist. 

     Even Pixar had to get in on the “no reason to exist” train and announced a prequel film called Lightyear. This is a spinoff about a young Buzz Lightyear but doesn’t connect to the Toy Story films in any way besides the lead. The film doesn’t even take place in the Toy Story universe. As some sort of “Buzz Lightyear-ception,” it follows the story of the fictional Buzz Lightyear who inspired the even more fictional action figure. Also, Tim Allen won’t return to voice Buzz, instead, he will be voiced by Chris Evans, which I still don’t understand.

     The fact that they’re not even trying to hide how little they care about the vast and differing characters and franchises they own depresses me. We practically don’t need anything announced, as to me, only three actually further a story and develop a character. But why would Disney care about making good and interesting stories? I mean they made the Star Wars sequels, the definition of how to ruin a franchise, and raked in around $5.7 billion in the process. In other words, why work hard on something when you can produce some of the most disgraceful and poorly written scripts in the history of film and slap well-known characters into them to ensure success?

     Clearly, the fact that there is any excitement around these projects explains why they were created in the first place. People don’t care if a film should be made, just that it can be. Disney created my childhood, and now it seems they’re on a warpath to destroy it.