Hallmark Christmas movies are every woman’s dream. The perfect plot, romance, setting, and… hot rich men. While watching 5 Hallmark movies in a row, we realized two things: They all had the same plots and some disturbingly looked like one of our dads. The movies started off with the female – or sometimes male lead (one movie on our list was not a hallmark movie – it was a gay rodeo romance). They have their profession: doctor, journalist, event planner. They are all single, or soon to be single, and were not looking for a significant other. Over a course of unusual events, they meet their soulmate, who was either a childhood friend, ex-flame, or perhaps a coincidental meeting. 

     We started off our Hallmark marathon with the classic “Christmas in Tahoe,” a movie about an event planner and her ex-boyfriend, a famous musician. The movie followed Claire who works as an event planner who works at her family’s hotel in Tahoe, California, as she plans the yearly talent show. If we had to use one word to describe Claire it would be girl-boss. She has the perfect life, perfect job, has instant comebacks and a hot ex. The movie had the layout that every cheesy, basic love story has. She sets a goal for herself, she wants a job at a major music venue in Las Vegas. She meets her ex, the love interest. There’s conflict, not a lot, but some that gets the story moving. She has tension with her ex, but ignores it so she can fulfill her girl-boss needs. They fall back in love, and oh, did we mention he’s famous? He saves her talent show, then romance is really booming. The movie looked very low quality, but that is expected from a TV channel production. I would rate it on a scale from “would never watch again” to “would watch again”, as “would watch again if we were really bored.” The main lead was the hottest out of the five movies, and the romance did not disgust us. 

     Our second Hallmark movie was “Eight Gifts of Hanukkah.” The movie followed Sara, a dentist in an unnamed small town, as she receives gifts each night of Hanukkah from a mysterious suitor. As Sara goes on dates, trying to find her one true love, she is also searching for her anonymous gift giver. Surprise! It’s her best friend, Daniel, who’s had a lifelong crush on her. The movie was a series of obvious events. Daniel gave gifts that proved how much he knew about her and loved her, and Sara ignored all the signs that it was the person she had known forever sending the gifts. Despite the very romantic, boy next door plot, there was no chemistry. Daniel and Sara were not lovers. They were old friends who didn’t talk often and then one day fell in love and then lived Happily Ever After! Sara had some blonde moments such as when she said, “There’s a lot I didn’t realize until those gifts started showing up at my doorstep…” When did she realize anything? She was going on date after date, not realizing that her BFF is completely in love with her. The flirting was bad, the movie was mid. Would never watch this again. 

     We then moved on to “Dashing in December.” This movie follows businessman Wyatt as he tries to convince his mother and the handsome new farmhand Heath to sell his family ranch. But the plan goes astray when Heath and Wyatt develop romantic feelings. In the beginning of the movie Heath and Wyatt don’t have the best connection, Heath is not ready to lose the ranch that has held such an important place in his heart, and this leads to several disagreements between the two men. As the movie progresses they get to know each other though, bonding over their love of horses and the ranch. This movie was definitely a slow burn, it took a very long time to set up, which left you feeling unfulfilled by the typical heartwarming ending. 

     “Rodeo and Juliet” was yet another Christmas cowboy movie. In this cheesy ranch romance a self obsessed big city teenager Juliet moves out to the sticks of Louisiana with her mom Karen to try and sell her family farm (Definitely haven’t heard that before). In the process we meet Hugh: Karen’s high school sweetheart and his nephew Monty who ends up being the main love interest for Juliet. Throughout the movie Juliet goes from an over-the-top city girl who hates everything about the ranch, to a bonafide country girl attending barn dances and learning to ride a horse. After Juliet and Monty meet and hit it off, Juliet’s mom strictly forbids her from seeing Monty, because of her past with his uncle, and their current fight about who gets to keep the ranch. Over the course of the movie Monty teaches Juliet to barrel race to try and save the ranch (obviously). When her mom finds out about this, she throws a huge fit, forbidding Juliet from competing in the barrel racing competition. However, when her mom reconnects with Hugh and realizes the true meaning of love, she lets her compete. In the end everybody falls in love and it’s happily ever after. Besides some cheesy acting, and a very sad lack of extras in the barrel racing competition scenes, we kind of found ourselves enjoying this one, and would watch it again next holiday season.

     Our final movie was “My Christmas Family Tree,” which centers around Vanessa and her newly found dad. Vanessa takes an online DNA test and finds her father’s number and address, which leads to an awkward first call where they decide to spend Christmas together at the dad’s place. When Vanessa arrives, she is greeted by Chris, a friend of her dad. He’s an attorney, so you know he got that money. That’s not the point though. The point is their love at first sight, the girl with a newly found dad and a boy with no family except that girl’s dad. But then the real surprise comes, her dad is not her dad. The DNA company made a mistake, there are two (!!) Vanessa Halls, and the DNA company had sent her the wrong results. Vanessa is very sad, debates whether to tell them, and she should’ve just told them right away, but family and Christmas is so important to her and she loves them. Aww. Anyways. 

     Hallmark makes the best worst holiday movies ever. Somehow they manage to repeat the same plot over and over but make it new and exciting. Hallmark has strong holiday movie game, and I hope they never stop.