Modern high school students are constantly being forced to consider what other people think of them. We’re constantly asking ourselves questions like: do people think I’m funny? Are my clothes cool? Is my spotify account curated enough? Are people going to notice that my Sambas have four stripes? But one of the most common questions we ask ourselves is this: does my hair look okay?

It’s a valid question. Hair can pretty drastically change the way you look, especially if you never wear a hat. Despite this, many of us put unbelievable amounts of trust into people we barely know, our barbers and hair stylists. 

These strangers with scissors give us haircuts, and even when they do a good job, a haircut takes some getting used to on a personal level. It can be alarming to see your ears for the first time in a month and a half, like going to a family reunion and seeing an uncle who your mom told you died in a violent car crash. 

Going to school the day after a haircut is a whole ‘nother thing. The subconscious confidence you had about your hair one day previously is completely out the window. Even if people are telling you that “it looks good” or they “like it”, there’s that little voice telling you that they’re just saying that and really it’s the worst haircut they’ve ever seen. Nobody’s ever going to see your haircut across the library and shout “that looks like (redacted)”, but they might be thinking it. They might be thinking it. 

This haircut-induced increase in insecurity, if you will, can have all kinds of nasty effects on your life. Your grades can tank. Friendships and romantic relationships can crumble. Physical injuries can happen. Somehow. 

I now turn to the schooling faculty and administration personnel. What up, gang. If you truly claim that your first priority is your students well-being, why subjugate them to this torture? I see one clear solution. Time off from school, including freedom from the consequences of missing class and making up work, following every haircut. And it doesn’t even have to be an outrageous amount of time. I feel like seven to ten business days is reasonable, depending on the particular student’s current mental health and the severity of the cut. That seems fair! This would greatly improve the mental health of TWHs (short for teens with hair) in our country, and frankly the world. 

Or we could all just buzz. Thank you. I’ll be here all week.