The best part of seeing Cats, the movie, was leaving. Between Rebel Wilson unzipping her skin, poorly done special effects, and questionable CGI, the movie adaptation of this beloved Broadway musical was a true CATastrophe. Producer Tom Hooper owes an apology to everyone who watched this waste of 95 million dollars, as well as their cats. 

Francesca Hayward played lead Victoria the White Cat. Classically trained in ballet, Hayward is new to the acting scene, and it shows. The rest of the cast is an odd hodgepodge of pop artists and chick-flick stars. Jason Derulo made his acting debut as Rum Tum Tugger, and Taylor Swift as Bombalurina. Allegedly, Swift is outraged at the public’s less than ecstatic reaction to the film, as she was evidently under the impression that this production would be Oscar-winning. If the category was ‘Most Scarring,’ it surely would take first place. Swift’s performance in itself was not half bad, although it was easy to focus on the top of the singer’s CGI head moving out of sync with the rest of her cat body rather than the acting itself. 

Cats also faced some difficulties with its release. After its original debut, it was re-released as an updated version with “improved visual effects.” If they really wanted to improve the movie, they would’ve burned every copy and started over. 

Seeing Cats felt like a fever dream you couldn’t wait to wake up from. Protagonist Macavity (Idris Elba) had piercing green eyes, and overall appeared as a creepy Halloween costume gone wrong. The baby who started crying in the theatre during Elba’s scenes would most likely agree. Another disturbing detail of the movie were the displays of affection between cats. Instead of a simple hug or even a kiss, the cats would rub their faces together for an uncomfortably long time, which felt like a look into the twisted mind of someone with a feline fetish. 

Long story short, don’t bring anyone you love to Cats. If you enjoyed this film, there’s a bed waiting for you at the nearest mental facility. I can only hope the poor actors who were a part of this production can recover from this large stain on their careers. Perhaps this is a sign that Broadway plays should stay just as they are; plays. Finally, to wrap up this article, I will provide a list of things $95 million could be better used for than the travesty that was Cats.

• 36,679,536 jars of Nutella
• 1,900,000 actual cats
• 2,734 Millennials’ student debt
• Probably the cost of paying Tom Hooper to never make a movie again
• 950,000 hours of therapy (never enough)
•  1,172 Tesla model Xs
• Roughly 10,428,100 movie tickets so that many more people don’t have to see it